Life sure is interesting. It seems even the most obvious of circumstances is easily misinterpreted resulting in all kinds of conflict that produce unimaginable outcomes. To be more specific, reaching an understanding of what we can tolerate in terms of people, places and things can be challenging. After 11 years of serious investigation, the answer became very clear. First, we are all very unique. Our thumbprints serve to confirm this. We have tons of data to prove it. Secondly, our uniqueness has a range of tolerance and often times we stretch too far and this creates conflict. Tolerance presents itself in many ways but for purposes of this commentary I want to address levels of refinement.
Some people are very meticulous (a little OCD). Others are very practical (neat, tidy, lots of organized piles) and lastly there are those that are more organic who need a messy environment in order to breathe freely and rise to their full potential. Parents often experience this dichotomy of preferences among their offspring. I have three daughters. Each fall into these classifications. My oldest daughter (22 year old) is very organic and can tolerate a messy environment. She doesn't mind that Starbucks cup sitting in her car from last week. My middle daughter (12 year old) is a minimalist, very meticulous and fussy with her environment. My youngest daughter (11 year old) is more organic and thrives in a messy environment just like my oldest. My two polar opposite daughters that are much closer in age, (the middle and the youngest) would most definitely take energy from each other if they shared a small space for a prolonged period of time, such as sharing a bedroon. When they were younger, I noticed that when putting the two of them in car seats in the back of my car, I had to put a bit of a barrier between them like a diaper bag. If I mistakenly put them too close together I would hear screams of "MOM she just touched me with sticky fingers...make her stop!" While the other was blissfully laughing. Everyone would be exhausted in less than 3 miles down the road. This sort of intolerance occurs all of the time in the workplace, in marriages, on athletic teams and everywhere there is a human in the equation. Sometimes the intolerance is subtle and individuals can be together for several hours without losing a lot of stamina. Yet, others will begin to make excuses for leaving an event or distancing themselves in a room in an effort to simply stay pleasant and acceptable.
When we extend ourselves or exceed our threshold of tolerance, we begin to demonstrate weak behavior. Some signs of this are complaining, gossiping, exhibiting unnecessary fear, and in extreme cases slamming doors. This is when we know we stayed in the wrong place, with the wrong people, too long. The unfortunate thing is that intolerance runs in families that are conditioned by tradition to stick together no matter what. Consequently, family arguments and unrealistic judgement occurs usually causing alienation or a division of the family. Those that can tolerate one another create their own camps while the practical ones feel pulled by both camps. We see this frequently take place in the workplace.
This aspect of understanding your range of tolerance can breed acceptance and eliminate unfair judgements. Being meticulous does not make you better than being messy. It’s simply a state of human existence that supports a person’s nature. If we do not align our lifestyle with our nature we will lose energy and essentially dread life. Achieving happiness is contingent upon this as well as a few other aspects of self-awareness.
So, the next time you decide to buy a family car, or a home or choose a place to vacation, make sure that your companion(s) can maintain vitality given your selections. Hopefully you are keeping company with those that are typically in alignment with your refinement. When this is not the case, COMPROMISE becomes the norm. Choose wisely who, what and where you need to thrive effortlessly.
*The YOU Institute is home for the “ULT” (ultimate life tool advanced human assessment technology) and is dedicated to helping others fully understand how far they can stretch, how they connect with others, and what they need to be happy.